HSE Hits New Low As Patients Referred To Lourdes
By Philip Collins | January 23, 2008
Lady of Lourdes grotto, soon to be overrun
with Irish smackheads
The Health Service Executive has come under fire once again this week as it has emerged that patients from the addiction services have been referred to the French pilgrimage site of Lourdes.
Millions of people travel to Lourdes every year in the hope that they will be cured of their ailments by the Virgin Mary or whatever. In 1858, local loon Bernadette Soubirous claimed that an apparition of the Virgin Mary cured her of her mental illness and delusional episodes.
The HSE has defended its decision by claiming that a number of their patients had been methadone dependent for over fifteen years and had only accepted the referral as a last shot at beating addiction.
Labour Party Spokesperson on Health Jan O’Sullivan has reacted angrily to the decision, describing it as “completely ridiculous and unrealistic”.
She waffled on: “I think it shows how much respect the present government has for the service users in the addiction sector of the HSE, that they’re quite content to just palm them off with a so-called ‘miracle’ cure. And to add insult to injury they‘ve been chartered on Ryanair flights.”
According to insiders, this idea is part of a new strategy adopted by the HSE in recent months. This requires staff to ‘think-outside-the-box’ in the hope of finding a solution to the crisis in the Irish health service. As such, many executives have gone as far as sanctioning religious, new age, and even occult practices in their desperation to achieve results.
A methadone patient who asked to remain nameless spoke of his reaction after he was approached by his doctor about the idea of traveling to Lourdes: “I couldn’t believe it, I was so insulted – everyone who was asked felt the same.
“The doctors basically said to me ‘you’ve been on the green diesel for knockin’ on ten years now and you‘ve tried all that counseling mumbo-jumbo, why don’t you try something a bit more spiritual?’ Ask me arse, I says, I converted to Islam in Mountjoy years ago!”
Minister for Health Mary Harney believes the incident has been blown out of proportion, stating only a handful of people had even accepted the offer, and that nobody cared that much actually because they were only drug users and that’s not a even real illness anyway.
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