Sinn Féin Condemn ‘Second-Rate’ Bombings In Iraq
Posted on | August 21, 2007
The celebrity Gerald ‘Gerry’ Adams
In the wake of yet another horrific suicide bombing in Iraq this week, Sinn Féin have added their voice to those condemning the attacks by Shi’ite and Sunni extremists. However, the party’s condemnation differed slightly from other commentators when they specifically criticised the ‘substandard terrorist skills’ of Iraqi insurgents.
Sinn Féin president and international celebrity Gerry Adams appeared on BBC Northern Ireland’s current affairs programme Let’s Rant earlier this week: “The wave of suicide bombings in Iraq has sickened me. It really is a second-rate form of urban guerrilla warfare. How can these guys call themselves terrorists when they purposely die on their first mission?
“Back in my day, a real terrorist was someone who made a bomb, placed it in an area designed for maximum carnage, vacated said area, detonated it from a secret, secure location – and lived to fight another day. These guys are just amateurs by comparison,” opined Mr Adams.
“Now, I know people will say that security is tight in Iraq, the Americans have check-points all over the place, it’s difficult to enough to gain access to certain strategic targets, let alone get out again alive blah blah blah – but that’s no excuse either. In those situations we would… um, I mean, the IRA would just pack a car with explosives and force some poor sap to drive into a Brit checkpoint by kidnapping his family beforehand and threatening to kill them. Simple.
“Absolutely no need to commit suicide at all. Besides, I believe self-killing to be a heinous sin. Suicide bombing is merely the recourse of the journeyman terrorist. I would call it the ‘long ball’ of guerrilla tactics – to use a soccer metaphor, even though I prefer Gaelic games myself.”
When it was put to him by presenter Paul Smutthers that he himself was one of these ‘real terrorists’ he spoke of, a poker-faced Gerry Adams replied: “I am not, never was, nor ever will be, a member of the IRA. I played absolutely no role in their 30-year campaign against our British oppressors.
“I had nothing at all to do with them; I don’t even know anything about them, in fact I wasn’t even in Northern Ireland at the time, what the hell is an Army Council anyway?” he continued. “ …Look I just happened to be elected leader of Sinn Féin in the mid-80s. I don’t know how – I just kind of fell into the job, I’ve no idea why they elected me, ask them. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a plane to catch, slán.”
Since that appearance, journalists have attempted to contact Mr Adams to clarify his comments but have not been able to reach him. His agent did tell us however that he is currently unavailable as he is about to travel to Spain for an exclusive interview and photo shoot with Hello! Magazine in his Bilbao holiday mansion.
According to Jeffrey Donaldson of the DUP and/or UUP, Adams “is completely out of order to be making such outrageous comments. No wonder he’s run off to Europe with his beard between his legs – he well knows there’s no way he could defend his ridiculous assertion that the IRA are the best and most professional terrorist group there’s ever been.
“So good were they that they achieved none of their political aims. Did they force the British army out of Ulster? No. Are we living in a united Ireland now? No. Undefeated army? Unvictorious army more like. This superior attitude by republicans is a terrible insult to those genuinely effective and dedicated insurgents fighting with their lives in Iraq.”
However, a number of prominent Shinnistas have rushed to the defense of their famous leader in his absence. One of these has been non-TD Mary Lou McDonald: “I think this whole controversy has been blown out of proportion. My party leader was asked for his opinion and he answered honestly. You may agree or disagree with his rating of the IRA – I personally agree with him that they were a top-notch terrorist outfit. The point is he doesn’t deserve this criticism; he’s an international superstar statesman you know! He’s friends with Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela! Are you friends with Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela? No, you are not.”
Also wading in with his incisive analysis was TD for Dublin South-Central Aengus Ó’Snodnaigh: “Dia duit. Tá Gerry Adams go hálainn. Is maith liom his beard especially. Leave him alone más é do thoil é. Tá mé ag knackered now. Agus ocras. I’m going abhaile. Auf wiedershen.”
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