Demented O’Leary Threatens To Blow Up Dublin Airport
Posted on | April 3, 2009
O’Leary before his breakdown (left) and his new
persona ‘the Businessman’.
Authorities stepped up their nationwide manhunt for Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary this morning after he threatened to bomb Dublin Airport.
The police and army have pooled their efforts to apprehend the airline boss in the wake of his latest business terror strategy. It is believed the bomb threat is motivated by revenge for the rejection of his bid to buy out Aer Lingus last month.
All flights in and out of Dublin Airport have been suspended and a massive security sweep has been initiated on the premises.
O’Leary made his threat via a phone call to airport authorities at approximately 09.20 am, when he reputedly claimed: “If I can’t have Aer Lingus, nobody can.”
The greater Dublin area has been on high alert for Mr O’Leary since Wednesday when he single-handedly assassinated CEO of Aer Lingus Dermot Mannion, after gaining access to the national airline’s boardroom disguised as an air hostess.
Undetected by security, O’Leary walked straight up to Mr Mannion and shot him several times at point blank range with a full-auto converted Glock 17 pistol, before making his escape during the resulting panic.
Last week, RTÉ News broadcast camcorder footage of O’Leary tormenting a Dublin Airport worker tied to a chair. The man’s identity was later confirmed as Niall Duggan, a customs official who had been missing for a number of days.
Towards the end of the tape, O’Leary turns the camera on his own face – sloppily covered in makeup – to announce that he will continue to threaten State employees until his bid for Aer Lingus is accepted. He then goes on to justify his actions:
“What can I say? I’m a businessman – and in these tough economic times a business has to pursue a much more aggressive strategy. I made a promise to my shareholders… and I am a man of my word.”
The recording then cuts out to the echoes of O’Leary’s maniacal laughter.
The tape in question was sent to RTÉ’s news department, personally addressed to economics correspondent George Lee. Mr Lee said he did not know why O’Leary chose him but hopes he can be found before he causes more “mayhem”.
Cresting on the back of a huge wave of ‘I told you so’ credibility regarding the current global recession, George Lee felt it appropriate to offer his own theory on why O’Leary would resort to these bizarre and horrifying actions:
“Since the last year’s crippling credit crunch, many former free market fundamentalists have recanted and lined up behind the State’s attempted rescue of the Irish economy. However, rather than have a change of heart, it seems O’Leary has undergone further radicalisation.
“Whereas before he opposed any government regulation of the capitalist system, now he opposes the very idea of government. Furthermore, his previously-held disdain for compassion in business dealings has now morphed into outright rejection of the entire concept of morality. “
One of the earliest indications of Michael O’Leary’s mental instability was the sudden adoption of his chalk-faced mime persona. From last October onwards, he appeared in this guise at all meetings, both public and private, with no explanation offered to those he was dealing with.
His deterioration came to a head before Christmas while meeting an Oireachtas committee on his attempted Aer Lingus purchase. After making his pitch he brutally murdered Transport minister Noel Dempsey in front of a dozen other committee members.
According to witnesses, a deranged O’Leary bludgeoned Mr Dempsey to death with a model 747 after the Meath TD refused to refer to him by his newly chosen moniker ‘the Businessman’.
“I couldn’t believe what I’d just seen,” says committee chairman Frank Fahey. “For what seemed like an eternity he just stood there, out of breath, his clothes covered in Noel’s blood.
Dublin Airport earlier this week.
“He then turned to us and said ‘just give me a call when you decide to accept my generous offer of €1.40-a-share.’ And with that he just ran out the door. None of us tried to stop him as we were all paralysed with fear.”
Media speculation has also focused on what sent O’Leary off the deep-end. One rumour contends he was involved in an accident at a chemical factory which bleached his skin permanently white, driving him to insanity in the process.
But such talk is dismissed by Nigel Gormling, professor of Psychonomcis at Dublin City University: “No, I am quite sure the make-up is worn by choice. His actions suggest to me someone who has experienced the utter collapse of a once-cherished value system…
“O’Leary was always the most die-hard of Ireland’s ultra-capitalists. But recent set backs have pushed him over the edge somehow, to the extent that he now commits acts of free market terrorism dressed as a nihilistic mime.”
Another popular theory is that it is another of Mr O’Leary’s patented publicity stunts, timed to coincide with the launch of a new Ryanair route to Iceland. The ad for the new route was accompanied with the blurb “Shhh… Don’t Tell Anyone, We’ve Gone Apeshit With Our 10 Cent Flights To Iceland.”
When contacted, a Ryanair spokesman admitted that O’Leary’s mime costume was initially part of a “specific promotion theme of Ryanair going crazy with their crazy low fares, and so forth…
“It is no secret he likes to go rather ‘Method’ during ad campaigns. And although we did not expect him to go quite this far – with all the murder and the bombing and what have you – our company, and we believe, our customers, remain 100% behind Mr O’Lear– I mean the Businessman, and his current strategy.”
Related articles: Ryanair To Introduce Sinister ‘Check-Out’ Charges
