Pop Music Dies Aged 54
Justin Timberlake (right) has been implicated in pop’s death The world is reeling this morning as the news filtered through that pop music, the greatest cultural invention of the 20th century, had passed away in the early hours of the morning. The once mighty musical style had been suffering ill-health for well over a decade, [...]
Enchanted Finance Medallions To Protect Consumers From Economic Hexes
Credit crunch got you worried? Dismayed by the plummeting value of your four bedroom Inchicore condo? Worry no more! A new medallion, containing enchantments by the Department of Finance’s most powerful sorcerers, will be made available to the public soon. The good news? Gubuwire readers will get it sooner. The medallion (right), embossed with spooky [...]
Newcastle Unveil Kevin Keegan As New Manager
Ex-Liverpool legend Kevin Keegan has been appointed the new manager of Premier League club Newcastle United. The announcement comes only three days after former Hamburg hero Kevin Keegan resigned his post after a protracted dispute with the board concerning the club’s transfer policy. Newcastle owner Mike Ashley has expressed his delight at Keegan’s decision to [...]
Anti-Everything Movement Hold No-Fucking-Way Rally
Democracy To Be ‘Suspended’ As Cowen Cleans Up Lisbon Treaty Mess
Brian ‘Sieg Heil’ Cowen Newly-declared ‘fascist’ Taoiseach Brian Cowen has revealed his government plans to ignore the initial decision of the Irish people by holding a second referendum on the Lisbon Treaty at a future date. Speaking at a press conference yesterday, Mr Cowen (dressed in a dark blue uniform and sporting a new hooked [...]
Amy Winehouse ‘Delighted’ At Gary Glitter’s Return
Amy Winehouse has told close friend Rolf Harris that she’s happy that celebrity paedophile Gary Glitter has returned to the UK so he can “take the heat off of me for a while”. Winehouse, who has hit the headlines for the last six months for her struggle with drug addiction, has had several run-ins with [...]
Phelps Recruited To Save New Orleans
Olympic hero Michael Phelps has agreed to help the city of New Orleans in the wake of Hurricane Gustav. The human-shaped dolphin, who resides in Atlantis, Georgia said he would be more than happy to help residents if the city succumbs to flooding, as was the case when Hurricane Katrina hit three years ago. With [...]
Escaped Lion In Belfast Actually Just Gerry Adams
A police search in Northern Ireland, begun after reports of an escaped lion, was called off today after the creature on the loose was revealed to be Sinn Féin leader Gerry Adams, not a big cat. A full scale operation utilising a police helicopter was launched in Belfast last night when a large hairy animal [...]
New Measures Proposed To “Drown Out” Noise Pollution
As part of new proposals to combat the problem of noise pollution, Gardaí may be given the power to drown out such noise by blasting sirens and firing blanks at the homes of offending citizens. A consultation paper on the matter also recommends giving Gardaí the power to loudly force their way into homes in [...]
