Facebook To Be Made Into Shit Hollywood Movie
Gorey Inhabitants Hire Jack Charlton To ‘Keep Look Out’ For Russian Troops
Sir Jack Charlton, on duty earlier today The people of Gorey Co. Wexford have hired former Ireland football manager Jack Charlton as a “look out” for approaching Russian troops in the wake of heightened fear of a resurrection of the Cold War. As of today, Mr Charlton has established a reconnaissance unit on the outskirts [...]
Drug Misuse Up 400% – Report
A report has been released today that shows drugs misuse has shot up by 400% amongst drug users in Dublin and the south-east counties. The report which has been compiled by the Dublin Organisation for Pharmaceutical Entrepreneurs (DOPE) has collected a huge amount of data on the total misuse of four of the most widely [...]
“Oxygen Doesn’t Grow On Trees” – O’Leary
Budget airline Ryanair have launched a new green initiative on their flights it was revealed yesterday. The controversial new scheme, which aims to replace and refit oxygen masks with a cheaper gasless based substitute was announced shortly after holidaymakers aboard a flight from Bristol to Barcelona Girona airport were forced to make an emergency landing [...]
Brown Vows ‘Tough Action’ On Knife Crime After Surviving Backbencher Stabbing
British Prime Minister Gordon Brown has promised to “crack down” on people carrying knifes only minutes after being stabbed by a Labour backbencher outside Westminster today. “We need to make it absolutely clear to everyone, but especially my own disloyal MPs, that in Britain there are boundaries of acceptable behaviour. It is completely unacceptable to [...]
China Issues 24-Hour Deadline For All Foreigners To Leave Beijing “Or Suffer The Consequences”
With the 29th Olympiad finally drawing to a close yesterday after two weeks of competition, things were finally getting back to normal in Beijing. No better example of this was the order issued by the Chinese government authorising all foreigners attending yesterday’s closing extravaganza to be out of Chinese territory within 24 hours of the [...]
Obama Appoints Self Own Vice-Presidential Candidate
Abbey Theatre Granted Butter Voucher Funding
Dublin’s Abbey Theatre is set to receive fund package consisting of butter vouchers until the end of 2011, it has been revealed. The voucher allocation from the Arts Council, worth in the region of €5000, is designed to allow the Abbey’s directors divert finances from the catering department into their theatre programme. This announcement from [...]
Disneyland Authorities Consider Glitter Asylum Request
Officials in Disneyland Paris are set to make a decision on whether to accept an asylum request from disgraced ex-pop star Gary Glitter. Over the last week, Glitter (real name Viscount Peregrine Glittsbourne) – the world’s most famous paedophile – had been refused entry to a number of sex tourism-prevalent nations of the Far East. [...]
Tubridy To Present No Frontiers Special in Iraq
Ryan ‘Tubs’ Tubridy RTÉ mandarins have announced plans for their Autumn schedule, in which they apparently intend to “mix things up a little”. However, it seems the only thing that could be seen as “mixing things up” is a change of presenter to unpopular travel programme No Frontiers. No Frontiers, which is usually presented by [...]
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