Ryanair To Introduce Sinister ‘Check-Out’ Charges
‘Travel Nazi’ Michael O’Leary, outside one of his ‘flying concentration camps’ Black market airline Ryanair has again been criticised by consumer and human rights groups for their plan to charge passengers for exiting their aircraft. A spokesperson for the airline said that from May 5th customers who want to get off their planes when they [...]
Barbra Streisand Gunned Down As East-West Coast Rivalry Re-Ignites
Barbra [sic] Streisand (1942-2008) The worlds of both rap and easy listening were rocked yesterday with the shocking news that legendary singer/actress/busybody Barbra Streisand was shot and killed by the “dopest” producer in hip-hop and former member of N-word With Attitude, Dr. Dre. The shooting took place outside Streisand’s New York apartment last night at [...]
Limerick Sweeps The Board at TV3 Crime Awards
Award winner Liam Keane Limerick gangs left with all the spoils after last night’s annual Crime Awards in association with TV3. Last night’s ceremony in Dublin was presented by the Sunday World’s crime correspondent Paul Williams – and Ireland’s bad boys were out in force at the City West Hotel despite it being a wet [...]
Hollywood Grizzly Bear Kills Handler, Own Career
A grizzly bear which had appeared in a number of US films and TV shows killed its handler, as well as it’s acting career, in California yesterday. Jerry, a 750lb grizzly bear, bit Stuart Whoosier, 40, on the head at a special centre for the training of wild and dangerous animals for Hollywood productions. Jerry, [...]
Up Close And Personal With… Chris de Burgh
Chris! CDB. Hello my son. Chris de bleedin’ Burgh! What the hell are you doing here? CDB. Eh… I’m here to do an interview aren’t I? Oh yeah, let’s get started then. I read in the paper that you’re going to play a gig in Iran, is that true? CDB. I’m thinking about it. You [...]
Government In Crisis As Harney’s Head Continues To Widen
Mary Harney has come under increased pressure from opposition parties to step down as Minister for Health as it was revealed today that her head has widened a further four inches over the last twelve months. There has been no official comment from the Government, however it has become glaringly obvious that the former Tánaiste [...]
Mugabe Unrepentant In Growing of Hitler ‘Tache
African leaders publicly condemned Zimbabwe’s Robert Mugabe today, breaking their silence over the President’s growing of a Hitler style moustache. South Africa’s ruling ANC finally ended their policy of trying to politely ignore Mr Mugabe’s facial hair, describing his choice of moustache as “atrocious”. Many of the ANC’s top brass have defied their the leader [...]
Gardaí Use Taser Gun To Impress Girls
An ERU officer on duty A taser gun was used for the first time to impress girls this weekend in Limerick’s notorious Moyross estate. Members of the Garda Emergency Response Unit (ERU) attempted to show off to female civilians by using their taser on a local teenager who had been apprehended for anti-social behaviour. This [...]
Get Yourself Updated On… Gigs
‘Sssssstory people! I’m sure you all will be absolutely der-lighted to learn that indie yob-nobs the Führer Heads will be playing Galway’s renowned Cúla Búla venue later this month. It will be frontman Micky ‘Six-Bellies’ Pritchard’s first show after being ‘accidentally’ glassed in the face during a ‘business’ meeting between two ‘rival firms’ in his [...]
Peaches Geldof Starts New Campaign ‘Bras For Africa’
Peaches Geldof, daughter of Sir Bob, has revealed details of a new charity campaign she has organised called Bras for Africa. Speaking to reactionary gossip magazine Hate, Peaches spoke of how she persuaded her girlfriends to donate bras they don’t use anymore: “But I had to give Kate Moss her bras back – they were [...]
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