Minor Earthquake Registers 7.8 On Media Scale
Sensationologists measure the strength of the info-waves caused by the newsquake. It reached its strongest level at 7am, approxiamately 6 hours after the earthquake, a time when many breakfast news broadcasts begin. The moderate earthquake that hit Britain this week registered a magnitude of 7.8 on the media scale, say experts. The tremors of Wednesday [...]
Ahern Claims He Will Remain As Taoiseach “Until He’s 2012”
Bertie Ahern said yesterday he would remain on as Taoiseach until the age of 2012 “if it were possible”. This statement of hyperbolic intent came in the wake of increasingly bolshy backtalk from backbench personnel in his own parliamentary party. Speaking yesterday to a bunch of Irish guys with cameras and microphones during a visit [...]
Stallone Urges De Niro, Liotta To Return For Cop Land Part 2: The Reckoning
Hollywood movie star Sylvester Stallone has pleaded with fellow actors Robert De Niro and Ray Liotta to return for a proposed sequel to their 1997 macro-hit Cop Land. It is reported that Stallone has written a script entitled Cop Land Part 2: The Reckoning which continues the story of Freddy Heflin, the partially deaf, low-ranking [...]
Book Review: The Generation Game’s Shift To The Right – From Larry Grayson To Jim Davidson
If the title and size and look of this book, Prof Theodore Guff’s The Generation Game’s Shift To The Right – From Larry Grayson To Jim Davidson, make it seem like it may be overly political, don’t be put off, it’s worth the effort of ploughing through every single one of its 3,543 pages. It’s [...]
U2 In Dublin To Work On Something Or Other
U2, back in their home town of Dublin this week, are working on some important, exciting project it has been announced. The superstar group arrived in the city last week from abroad somewhere, probably America, and have since spoken openly of their plans for this new thing they’ve got going on. Speaking to Emersion magazine [...]
Pro-Choice Group Want Referendum Aborted
North Korea To Build Embassy On 3,000 Acre Site In Donegal
Some of the land now owned by North Korea Gubuwire has just learned from a source in Donegal County Council of plans being put forward by the North Korean Government to build their new embassy on a 3,000 acre site in the uranium rich area of North-West Ireland. Although Donegal County Council have officially denied [...]
Opinion: My Conversion To Gated Communities Has Nothing To Do With My Recent €9m Lotto Jackpot Win
You may have heard my name being mentioned in the media recently regarding my €9.25m National Lottery win last month. Please believe me when I state that my motivation in writing this article is not to gloat over my tremendous good fortune, but rather to tackle the accusations of hypocrisy on my part made by [...]
Rice Urges Kenyans To “Get They Shit Together”
US Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice yesterday called on the people of Kenya “to get they shit together” and pressure the two warring factions involved in the recent turmoil “to stop thinkin’ they is all that.” Ms Rice had flown into Kenya in an attempt to, in her own words, “knock heads together” regarding the [...]
Up Close And Personal With… Des Lynam
Conas atá tú Des? DL. Don’t talk that muck to me. Sorry Des, do you not appreciate your native tongue? DL. What do you mean by native? I am not Irish. I thought you were born in Clare? DL. LIES! Communist disinformation spread by the KGB to make the British nation lose faith in its [...]
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