McDowell Shot Dead By Garda Marksman After 36-Hour Siege
Michael McDowell (1951-2007) Ex TD Michael McDowell has been shot and killed at his former constituency headquarters in Ranelagh after a 36-hour armed standoff. The country awoke to the shocking news that Mr McDowell, who lost his seat in last week’s general election, had not survived a violent shoot-out this morning between himself and members [...]
Mandela To Advise Hilton On Prison Stint
Hilton and her pet rat It has emerged today that Nelson Mandela has travelled to Los Angeles to act in a special advisory role to Paris Hilton before her 22-day stint in a 5-star luxury Californian prison. It is understood that Mandela will advise Paris on a number of topics including, prison lingo, attire, currency [...]
Dublin Student Convicted For Holocaust Ignorance
Student Ferdiagh O’Sullivan was yesterday charged with two months community service and six months history lessons after being found guilty of gross ignorance of the Holocaust. Mr. O’Sullivan’s deep-seated ignorance was publicly revealed last week at a debate entitled “Slavery: From the Roman Empire to Ryanair” organised by UCD’s Commerce and Economics society of which [...]
Salman Rushdie Murdered By New Islam Convert Bono
Murderer and singer Bono Vox An Garda Síochána have issued a warrant for the arrest of U2 front man (and former Jesuit agent) Bono Vox for the murder of long-time friend – the writer Salman Rushdie. The pint-sized performer had recently converted to Islam after spending a long weekend in Bettystown with Jermaine Jackson. According [...]
Enda Kenny Undergoes Radical Style Overhaul
Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny shocked watching the media at his press conference yesterday as he unveiled his ‘new image’ for the 2007-election campaign. Sporting a spiked haircut, black eyeliner, flowery, 70s-style disco shirt, suede jacket and leather trousers, Mr. Kenny outlined to the assembled press his plan for “a totally new kind of political [...]
Eurovision’s Inexorable Growth Continues
With this year’s Eurovision only days away, organisers of the popular naff song contest have announced that there will be 14 new entrants for the competition as of next year. All of the new countries are from the former Eastern Bloc, bringing the number of participating nations to an unwieldy 124. For this reason the [...]
