Schwarzenegger’s Cheeks Fall Off During Speech
The infamous ‘cheek snatch’ Governor of California and sexual deviant Arnold Schwarzenegger had a close call at a Republican conference yesterday when his cheeks began to fall off during a speech entitled ‘Terminating Gay Marriage’. The incident happened just as Arnie was about to belt out another of his famous film catch phrases that was [...]
Water Crisis Prompts Cancellation of Galway’s Annual Wet T-Shirt Competition
Organisers of Galway’s Annual Wet T-shirt Competition, scheduled to go ahead this June, have announced its cancellation due to the city’s ongoing water contamination crisis. The Wet T-shirt competition is the centrepiece of the world-renowned Galway Nudes Festival, which has taken place in the city every year since 1980, and its abandonment is a massive [...]
Richard Gere-Dalai Lama Kiss Sparks Buddhist Riots In Tibet
Richard ‘the Buddhist Devil’ Gere Violent riots have broken out among Tibetan Buddhists prompted by a kiss between the Dalai Lama and actor Richard Gere. Mr Gere had made a speech at a Free Tibet fundraiser in Los Angeles, straight after which he approached the celebrity holy man with whom he was sharing the stage [...]
Under-Qualified Government Minister Scapegoats Over-Qualified Immigrant Workers
Junior Minister of State Bernard O’Flood yesterday speculatively blamed immigrant workers for the economic downturn in his local constituency of Leashford North. The area has suffered the outsourcing of three major factories in as many months, resulting in its highest rate of unemployment for six years. “It is clear that the large number of immigrants [...]
Eddie Murphy Refuses To Come Out of Fat Suit
Clinton (Hillary) To Pose Topless On Page 3 Of Wall Street Journal
Mrs Clinton at yesterday’s press conference US Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton yesterday announced her plan for a topless photo shoot in a forthcoming edition of the Wall Street Journal. Speaking at a press conference yesterday, the former First Lady bared all, politically speaking, to the present media. “I was speaking to (current WSJ editor) Paul [...]
‘Media Hostile To Me’ Claims That Pop Singer Arsehole
Shane McCraddock, ex-‘singer’ with boyband Rentlife, revealed this week that he believes the Irish media have a vendetta against him. Plugging his not very eagerly awaited new album Irishman’s Heart (follow up to 2004’s Dublin Boy’s Soul), the irritating whinger made the comments in an interview he gave to reactionary celebrity gossip magazine Hate. “The [...]
Ahern Meets The Public Via The Medium of Photoshop
Get Yourself Updated On… Festivals
As you all know by now, the Hectic Nitpick is a tribute festival to the universally lauded Electric Picnic, and is planned to go ahead some weekend this coming summer. Many of you may have seen the photocopied advertisements for it go up on available wall space in your town’s main street. Anyways, one of [...]
