Iran Overtake Hallmark In ‘Greeting Drone’ Market Share
President Ahmadina-whatever unveils ‘Ambassador of Death’ following his daughter’s school play Iran stole a march on their Hallmark rivals in the ‘Greeting Drone’ industry as President Ahmadinejad today launched Iran’s new Superdeluxe Karrar unmanned aerial vehicle. The travel-sized Iranian leader described the (by Iranian standards) sophisticated military drone which can “execute” a target at a [...]
Teenage Solo Sailor At Risk From Nautical Paedophiles Say Campaigners
Child Welfare International have criticised the decision of a Belgian court to allow a 14-year old girl to sail solo around the world, citing the threat from “sea-faring” paedophiles. Sara Hakkar (right) is attempting to be the youngest person to circumnavigate the globe on her own, but the despite the blessing of her parents and [...]
Robert Mugabe Testifies In Naomi Campbell Genocide Trial
“Violent and tyrannical” Campbell minutes before she was apprehended by Interpol in Milan last year. Zimbabwean dictator Robert Mugabe has told an international criminal court that he received a machine gun from supermodel Naomi Campbell “as a gift”. He was testifying at the Special Court for Celebrity War Crimes where prosecutors say that in 1997 [...]
South Korea Begins Epic, Real-Time Military Drill
Combined South Korean-Terran forces face off against North Korea’s insectoid swarm. One week after the release of Starcraft 2, South Korea has launched its largest ever war game exercise near the disputed border with the evil North Korea. The South has warned the North it will not tolerate noob-like “ling rushes or cheap offensive tower [...]
KKK Now Lynching ‘Socialists’
Klansmen warn about the ‘socialist’ danger to America Right wing organisation the Ku Klux Klan is to launch a new lynching campaign in the US, this time targeting what it describes as “uppity socialists”. The campaign was announced today via video message on the KKK website. An anonymous Klansman delivered the message to camera flanked [...]
Haiti “Doing Just Great” – Report
A photo of happy Haitian children to help ease your conscience. Over six months since the earthquake that left more than 300,000 Haitians dead, a new United Nations report says the Caribbean state is “getting along fine” and that its people are “doing just great.” The report, which was welcomed by UN Secretary General Ban [...]
Head Of Iceland’s Kaupthing Bank To Be Sacrificed To Volcano
A TV crew scouts for the best angle ahead of Saturday’s big event. Hreidar Mar Sigurdsson, former Chief Executive of Kaupthing Bank – who was arrested on Wednesday on charges of embezzlement, falsifying documents and stock and bond trading violations – will be thrown into the gaping maw of the erupting Eyjafjamibob volcano if found [...]
EU To Sacrifice A PIG In Mooted ‘Bad Country’ Plan
The big bad wolf Jean-Claude Trichet In a shock move the European Central Bank (ECB) has announced plans for a ‘bad country’ approach as a solution to current euro-zone wos. It has not yet been decided which of the PIGS will be sent to economic Coventry for the foreseeable future but insiders suggest it has [...]
Iceland Risks Becoming ‘The Next Ireland’ If Politicians Allowed Go Scot Free – Report
Icelanders engaging in an activity known as ‘protesting’ A scathing 2000-page Icelandic report claims their country is at risk of becoming ‘the next Ireland’ if those responsible for the banking collapse ‘are not held accountable for their crimes’. The Special Investigation report, commissioned by the Icelandic parliament, said that unless justice prevailed the cozy cartel [...]
US Congressman Confesses To Sleeping With Wife
“Unacceptable loyalty” on the part of Mr Daschound A Vermont Congressman who admitted to being faithful to his wife has resigned as chairman of the Democratic Congressional Association. Clint Daschound (right) is being replaced by Massachusetts Congressman Robert Kennedy II Snr. Mr Kennedy, the second of 12 grandsons named Robert from the famed political family, [...]
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